You know what I love? Donuts. But I also love summer camps.
You know, the kind where you drop your kids off and sign a bunch of papers that
says you won’t sue the camp when they lose a toe during the nature walk. Yep,
those are my jam.
And I feel that love no more so than today, when both
wild-ass, whining angels are here slamming doors on each other and using their
best selective hearing. All. Damn. Day. This week they’ve got Little Gym camp and baseball camp and
swim lessons, but we’re in a black hole of open play today and that was a
serious misstep.
I know some people are thinking, they are away from you in
school all year. Shouldn’t you want to spend the summer with them, teaching
them, guiding them, playing hide and seek with them (the kind where you
actually try to find them)? But some people don’t have kids, so some people
need to shut the eff up. And if you do and want to spend every waking minute
with them in these hot summer months, by all means. I’ll even put up an inspirational poster of you saying, “We hold their hands for just a while but hold their
hearts forever.” It’ll be all we have to remember you by come August.
Now it goes without saying that I love these babies fiercely,
but they can be straight-up stupid. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve said,
“Quit being ignorant!” already this summer, I’d be able to afford another
camp. In fact, I’ve got a few open dates in July if you hear of anything with
long hours. (Heads up, Chinese Gymnastics team, the Olympics are coming and I
hear you just take those kids. One day climbing up the rice-papered walls, the
next miles and miles away in a militant training facility. FYI, Molly’s tiny
with a big head. She’s like a Weeble; she don’t fall down.)
In all seriousness, they are getting to go to camps that
they actually enjoy, like Minecraft camp, Frozen Princess camp, Tear Up
Somebody Else’s Nerves on a Balance Beam camp. I’m not dropping them off at Labor Ready,
saying “Suttie, today is drywall camp! Here, wear this mask.”
Yes, they are blessed with the opportunity to explore their
different interests this summer. It’s a blessing that I don’t take lightly. It
was hard earned…by their father. I literally wipe the same table all day, so I
contribute like zero dollars to this experience. But because of his efforts,
all three of us are blessed.
In fact, this Friday, I’ve managed to set up the holy grail
of summer camps: both kids at the same camp, at the same time. And don’t even
try to make plans with me for then. I’m booked. I’m going to drive the long way
so that I can listen to my songs on the radio, window shop for stuff that I
only half want and can’t afford, pay for an overpriced coffee, and walk through
the “Classics” section of a bookstore feeling superior that I’ve read some of
them (even if I don’t remember the plot lines) before I buy a book really meant
for thirteen year olds. And God help me if the “Hot” sign is on.
