I’ve been on mommy blog hiatus because, when I add teaching
into the mix of my already hectic schedule, I have to save all of my creative
energy for writing comments like, “Do you even come to class?” or “Your
incorrect use of there, their, and there makes me want to drink bleach” on student papers.
But I’m breaking this self-imposed interval for an important
public service announcement: Keep your #%$% germs at home!
This has been the sickest year in the O’Neal household to
date. And it’s not because we’re unclean…I scanned the first few lines of a
study with a bunch of statistics and other maths that said that our lax bathing
schedule actually increases immunity. And it’s not because we don’t take
vitamins…since they came out with gummies, we’ve been all about the supplements.
No, it’s not any of these things. It’s you. You who stood
behind me at the grocery counter sneezing into the ether. You who coughed on
your hand and then used it to open the door at work. You who *gasp* waved at my toddler when your stomach
was doing noxious flips.
And, unfortunately, it’s me. Because I have also made the
unwise decision to grace a public forum with a snotty nose and a sore
throat. But no more, I tell you! Because
I’m a firm believer in you get what you give, and maybe if I don’t give
anything, I won’t get anything. Karma is law.
The worst sick moment of the year for me came when my son
and I struggled with a weeklong bout of H1N1. SWINE FLU, people! The entire
week I had to rely on my husband and thank my husband and grovel to my husband.
It was excruciating because, if anybody insists on being the martyr of the family,
it’s me. And here he was heating up towels and making soup and running out for Gatorade
and just being all kinds of obnoxiously caring.
I will NOT go through that again.
So the next time you get the sniffles, and you think, I’m
just gonna run up to Publix for a bottle of wine and a free cookie, DON’T. You
hear me? Because if I’m there and I see you wipe your nose with your hand and then
open the freezer, I’m gonna start shouting, “Unclean! Unclean!” and spray your
ass with Lysol.
